How to build self-esteem and a kinder relationship with yourself

Practical exercises for self-esteem: examining thoughts, recording achievements, and responding to your inner critic.

Detailed answer

Self-esteem concerns how you see and value yourself. When it is low, you may focus on weaknesses and discount evidence of competence or care. The aim is a fairer, kinder view of yourself rather than a score you must constantly raise. Notice your inner critic: thoughts such as ‘I am not good enough.’ Experiences including criticism, bullying, or comparison can contribute, but everyone’s history differs. Give the critical voice a name if that helps you recognise it: ‘Here is the critic again. I can listen without treating every statement as a fact.’ Keep an achievement journal. Each evening write three things you did reasonably well: prepared a meal, answered a difficult message, or went for a walk. You do not need exceptional achievements. A month of entries gives you concrete examples to revisit when your judgement becomes one-sided. Reduce unhelpful comparison. Other people’s social feeds show selected highlights, while you know your own difficult moments. Use your earlier experience as a more relevant comparison and remember that you cannot infer someone’s whole life from a public image. Try acting in a way that expresses self-respect. Speak clearly, take a comfortable posture, and make eye contact if it suits you. The popular claim that two minutes of a ‘power pose’ reliably changes testosterone and cortisol is not well established. Use posture as a personal cue rather than a hormone treatment. Choose and work towards a small achievable goal. A short run, learning some words, or finishing a book can provide evidence of follow-through. The AI coach in Sinqly can help you make the goal realistic. Your worth is not conditional on productivity, even when an achievement helps you feel more capable. Practise accepting a compliment. Try ‘Thank you, I appreciate that’ instead of automatically dismissing it. You can receive another person’s kind observation without needing to prove or disprove it immediately. Set boundaries around repeated belittling. Where possible, spend more time with people who treat you respectfully and offer support. Some relationships are complicated; seek trusted help when setting a boundary feels unsafe. Consider professional support if low self-esteem interferes with work, relationships, or daily life. Cognitive behavioural therapy can help people examine unhelpful beliefs, but the right approach and number of sessions vary. A fixed eight-to-sixteen-session promise is not appropriate for everyone.

Practical tips

• Record three small achievements each evening
• Name the inner critic if it helps you recognise thoughts without accepting them as facts
• Compare your progress with your own earlier experience
• Choose achievable goals and notice your follow-through
• Practise accepting compliments without immediately dismissing them

Useful resources

• How to find your sense of purpose
• Life balance wheel
• Habit: Practise gratitude
• Topic: Life balance

Frequently asked questions

Sources and further guidance

• Self-esteem — NHS